03.15.02
How To Doom a Centralized Management Project, Part I
2002, March 15th
Whatever you do, don’t survey your people! They have been doing this the Wrong Wayâ„¢ now ever since your organization began. What do they know about systems management? Ignore them. Just pass the edict from on high that they must “get with the program†if they want to see the project succeed. They won’t, so this is a good foundation on which to build your project.
The best way to begin the project (for ultimate failure potential) is with consultants. Bring in a lot of them. Do not announce their true purpose. Let your employees believe that they are here to help. Hold meetings with them where you plan the roll-out, but do not invite your own employees. These people could not possibly provide any meaningful input to such a sweeping change in your organization’s infrastructure. If you have one available, be sure to hold the meetings in some sort of aquarium meeting room that has blinds. Close the blinds only after your employees have begun to walk by to read the white board notes.
Consultants and your employees should be housed in different areas and if at all possible should have different work schedules. If your employees are metaphorically, or even actually, “punching a clock†from 9:00 to 5:00, consultants should work from home or have flex-time schedules. It goes without saying that consultants should not report through the same management structure as your employees. They should report to their team lead who reports to you directly. This builds maximum resentment in your organization. This resentment keeps you in control.
Once your people have begun to ask why you have all of these consultants who don’t seem to be “adding value,†it is time to move on to Part II. Do not move forward until your employees begin to ask. This is extremely important as the consultants may be able to repair the relationship you have worked so hard to undermine if you move forward too soon.